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Saturday, April 14, 2012

Dontunderstan: A few notes

There was a request for a few descriptions about Dontunderstan. I looked over the map - most of the stuff, in retrospect, looks like it was written by a 13-year-old; what the hell was I thinking?? Oh yeah, I was writing it for a specific audience, by group of 30-something-year-old intellectual friends who need to let loose every now and then. Anyway, here are a few notes (some quoted verbatim from the map, and some paraphrased).

Marpelites: This is a race of beings (no physical description available except that they look "cute") who are assholes. Only the forces of Ak (a city of men, minotaurs, centaurs and blue knights) keep the Marpelites in check so they don't spread their assholiness all over the rest of the world.

North: Notice how everything says "north" or "northern"? Yep, that's just how it is in Dontuderstan. True north and the other three directions are myths, and to even discuss their existence in some areas is heresy.

Orcalonia: This is the most beautiful and enlightened city in all of Dontunderstan. It has wide boulevards, unpolluted water, beautiful fountains, and clean streets. It's just that it's full of orcs, goblins and ogres - the most disgusting races of all Dontunderstan.

Kutovonia: This is one of the largest cities of Dontunderstan. It has recently banned Christmas leading to the Christmas riots.

The Ancient Forest: In this forest live two species of monkey; one species is good to eat, the other taste like shit.

The Forest: In which a great battle involving 300,000 warriors under the rival kings Hlod the Inheritor and Donoghue of Comes never occurred.

Arthur Lake: Near Arthur Lake is a stone with a sword in it, and whoever can pull the sword from the stone becomes Ultra-Motu (big leader) of all of Dontunderstan. Everybody has tried to pull it, and anybody who has denied trying to pull it is a liar. It's like masturbation: Everybody has yanked at the sword whether they admit it or not.

Northern Ocean: Somehow, a lot of boats sailing in the Northern Ocean end up on land in the middle of Dontunderstan. No one can explain why; the Motus (national leaders) claim the ships simply need better navigators.

That's all for now- at least that's the better stuff- enough certainly to give you an idea of what I'm working with in this setting.

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